Tonight - Monday - January 2nd

New Series Alert:
"Dirt" premieres on FX tonight. They've been pushing this series for months now, effectively ruining my viewing of "Nip/Tuck" with their incessant Peter Gabriel-soundtracked promos. I wasn't a fan of Peter Gabriel in the first place so that didn't help. Since FX hasn't thought it fit to send me a preview of upcoming episodes I'll have to get creative here. Courteney Cox looks hot and powerful and cold too - however, I have been enticed to watch since I hear that she will masturbate in one of the first three episodes and since I've never seen anything like that before I must take notes for future reference. For additional FX shock factor there will be a prostitute with a strap-on taking care of her male client. This is a series about fame and Hollywood and the tabloidism that has replaced good taste and culture in the United States and since y'all live in LA you'll have to watch at least one episode. Will it be worth it to watch more? I dunno, but next time FX should send DVDs to us here at LAist.

"Dateline NBC" (NBC, 8:00 p.m.) Murder and deception in Northern Michigan. You'd think they'd want some excitement up there.

"Emeril Live" (FOOD, 8:00 p.m.) Unveiling his "Fit for Life" healthy recipes. Get started on the right foot with your resolutions this year, although, after looking at Emeril, I'm not so sure he's the one I'd go to for this kind of guidance.

"Law & Order: Criminal Intent" (NBC, 9:00 p.m.) I made the terrible mistake of watching a rerun of this show a couple weeks ago and I was appalled at the horrible writing and wooden acting.

"Law & Order: SVU" (NBC, 10:00 p.m.) I'm sure this show is so totally and completely different than the preceding one.

"Dirt" (FX, 10:00 p.m.) Series premiere. Courteney Cox returns to the small screen.

"The Late Show with David Letterman" (CBS, 11:30 p.m.) wilted pixie Martin Short, nutty Irishman Donal Logue

"The Tonight Show with Jay Leno" (NBC, 11:35 p.m.) non-aspiring presidential candidate George Clooney, aspiring presidential candidate Sen. John McCain, Unwritten Law perform

"Jimmy Kimmel LIVE" (ABC, 12:05 a.m.) comedian George Lopez, Giuliana DePandi (say it ten-times-fast), EMO ALERT: My Chemical Romance performs

"Late Night with Conan O'Brien" (NBC, 12:35 a.m.) ladies loved LL Cool J, Gov't Mule performs

Courteney Cox in "Dirt" pic released via AP