January 31, 2006
The David Caruso Drinking Game

On CSI: Miami, David Caruso plays Lt. Horatio “cool-as-a-cucumber” Caine, or “H” for short. Early NYPD Blue fans will remember Caruso as Andy Sipowicz’s first partner – and the guy who left the show in order to have a “movie career.”
But that didn’t quite happen. So now he’s back on TV leading the procedural crime drama ensemble (filmed in Manhattan Beach) -- which is great for those of us who want to entertain themselves on a really crappy television night (sorry Wife Swap fans). LAist, therefore, would like to introduce our version of “The David Caruso Drinking Game.”
We know that there are several versions of the CSI: Miami drinking game already out there, but we wanted to focus on the greatness that is David Caruso. You see, he plays H so seriously, so one-dimensionally, that we can’t help but guffaw at his dramatic acting tics. Without further ado, here are LAist's rules…
Get your favorite beer ready. (We thought about playing this with hard liquor, but that would be begging for alcohol poisoning before the first commercial break, so beer is the drink of choice for the Caruso.)
1. Drink a sip every time someone calls him "H" not "Horatio"
2. Take one swig every time H places his arms akimbo (on his hips).
3. Take two swigs when Horatio takes his sunglasses off for dramatic effect.
4. Likewise, take two swigs when Horatio puts his sunglasses on for dramatic effect.
5. Take three gulps when H wears a dark blazer in the middle of an investigation. (Hello, pastels…this is hot and humid Miami…Crockett and Tubbs land, remember).
6. Drink for four counts when he addresses Jonathan Togo's character as “Mr. Wolfe.”
7. Drink for five counts when he’s talking and his head is tilted at a 45-degree angle. (Don’t forget to add another count if he has his arms akimbo at the same time.)
8. Drink for six counts when the camera films him entering the scene from a low angle for dramatic effect. Some games refer to this as the "Horatio-as-Christ" shot. (Is this because he’s short? IMDB lists him as 5’11.”)
9. Drink for seven if you ever see him smile. (This is extremely rare, but it does happen on occasion.)
10. Guzzle the entire can/bottle when an incredibly hot babe hits on Horatio. Cause, really, she must have the beer goggles on. Or we should put them on in order to buy it.
If you aren’t a fan of CSI: Miami, trust us, you will be after one round of Caruso playing. Oh yeah, and it really helps if you don’t have to be anywhere early on Tuesday morning. Bottoms up!
Feel free to add your own rules...



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I love how "H" has conversations. He always says someone's first name (or his pet name for them) before every sentence.
Isn't that the sign of a cult leader? He says your name a lot so you'll happily agree to drink his magic heaven water?
Not only does "H" love the dark (often purple) suit, it usually is in some kind of shiny fabric for even more scenery chewing fabulousness.
Yet, somehow, CSI: Miami is the best of the CSIs.
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maybe take a sip each time he starts talking to someone without looking at them, and then turns to them for dramatic effect.
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How's this for one sip? Each time they show the reluctant/evasive witness from the start of the episode re-appear in the Interview room, 'Ho' accuses the poor soul of lying to him. And with these exact words: "YOU lied to ME".
Seriously, this actually happened three times this season, and it's always with the emphasis on ME as if to make it All. About. Horatio. He even does this to witnesses that HE didn't even question the first time around (re. Calleigh and that scared gardener in the latest 'Mala Noche' ep), which only proves how self-centered the H-Man truly is.
And maybe throw in another sip for that creepy head tilt thing.
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How's this for one sip? Each time they show the reluctant/evasive witness from the start of the episode re-appear in the Interview room, 'Ho' accuses the poor soul of lying to him. And with these exact words: "YOU lied to ME".
Seriously, this actually happened three times this season, and it's always with the emphasis on ME as if to make it All. About. Horatio. He even does this to witnesses that HE didn't even question the first time around (re. Calleigh and that scared gardener in the latest 'Mala Noche' ep), which only proves how self-centered the H-Man truly is.
And maybe throw in another sip for that creepy head tilt thing.
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How's this for one sip? Each time they show the reluctant/evasive witness from the start of the episode re-appear in the Interview room, 'Ho' accuses the poor soul of lying to him. And with these exact words: "YOU lied to ME".
Seriously, this actually happened three times this season, and it's always with the emphasis on ME as if to make it All. About. Horatio. He even does this to witnesses that HE didn't even question the first time around (re. Calleigh and that scared gardener in the latest 'Mala Noche' ep), which only proves how self-centered the H-Man truly is.
And maybe throw in another sip for that creepy head tilt thing.
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All this blasting of "H" is so true, yet I still like the Miami CSI best. Don't even get me started on the Grishom character in Vegas!!
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it's a perfect match
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Nice work, but you missed a few key rules.
1. When they do an establishment shot of Miami (even though all the shooting in LA, except for maybe one episode each season), everyone yell "Second Unit"! Everyone who's not first drinks.
2. Whenever they do something super-boring -- my favorites are (a) swabbing something with a Q-tip, and (b) reassembling a shredded piece of paper with tweezers (and, of course, rubber gloves) -- and play sexy techno music, in a darkly lit room, everyone drink!
3. Whenever the latino guy uses his little flashlight to look at something, drink. If its indoors in an unnecessarily dark room, drink twice. If its outside in the daytime (we actually saw that) -- CHUG.
4. Any. Time. H. Pauses. Unnecessarily. in the middle of a sentence. Drink.
5. Wearing the sunglasses indoors? C'mon. Drink up. Holding them at night? Put em away, you're not gonna need them till tomorrow! Drink!
6. Its always the last line before the opening credits. Horatio says something totally Captain Kirk melodramatic. Cartoonish. You know the one.
7. Gratuitous bikini shots.
8. Gratuitous slow mo super close-up internal CGI shots of people's bones breaking, bleeding, bullets going in or coming out, accompanied by scrunchy crunchy chewy noises, like someone's stepping on a tomato in a foley box.
We're always wasted by halftime. We're actually starting to cut back on watching, I can't keep showing up at the office hungover Tuesdays.
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hi david caruso its me chrisRodriguez it has bean a long time.